The Placeholder Conversations
The Conversation We Need Now
‘Would I come across that I’m too much of myself?’
‘What if no one shows up?’
These thoughts were floating in my mind nonstop since I was preparing for a series of The Placeholder Conversations. Two days before the event in San Francisco, these thoughts became so louder in my head I was thinking about cancelling it.
Then my husband said, “I think it's worth doing. It's worth celebrating your work and it's not about you; it's about the conversation. Why don't you try it and see what happens?" 🤷🏼♂️
His gentle remark made me smile, because it was basically what I encourage people to do in The Placeholder. ‘Yeah, why not try it? If no one shows up, I can just go home.’
So I went ahead with the plan. I am glad I did.
A group of beautiful people showed up in both occasions for virtual and in-person gatherings. Some of them have gone through their own Placeholders, some are going through one now, and some are simply curious about The Placeholder.
Together we talked about
What the Placeholder meant to us
How we know we are ready to enter the Placeholder
Our doubts and fears about entering the Placeholder
Whether we’d feel “nirvana” once we create our Noble Work
Whether we become habituated to our Noble Work and it becomes like any other “job”
If the Placeholder is about solving a real problem or simply creating a solution
If mindfulness and meditation is helpful for the Placeholder
How we feel different after going through the Placeholder
And many other questions, reflections, and discussions ensued.
I didn't know what to expect or how it'd go. Yet after all, it was exactly what it was supposed to be: the genuine and intimate conversation about the Placeholder experiences. I couldn't have hoped for better.
Preparing for the very first in-person conversation in San Francisco, I wanted to give a special gift to participants. I thought about it for days and decided: A TOY!
Why? Because the divergent and playful mindset is so essential to ideate and experiment in the Placeholder. I chose every toy they could play with their hands, hoping it would spark fun & creativity. Playing with those toys, they would lose themselves and stop worrying about the outcome for a moment. Experimenting in the Placeholder can often put us in the flow state like that.
Toward the end of the Conversation in SF, one of the participants and the person I admire so much, Dr. Philippe Goldin, mentioned the importance of “willingness" to experiment. His comment reminded me of what Matthew Brensilver, my meditation teacher, once talked about the discernment between willingness and willfulness.
Willingness is a conscious choice to be open, receptive, and experimental — even in discomfort or uncertainty. Willfulness is a rigid insistence on personal control, often in defiance or resistance to what is happening. When we are willing, we let go of control and being present with what is. When we are willful, we hold on tightly, needing things to go a certain way. With willingness, we are curious, adaptive, and humble. With willfulness, we are controlling, stubborn, and self-protective.
This is a crucial discernment in the Placeholder. Just be willing to try out whatever we find meaningful without controlling for a certain outcome and see what happens. If we start evaluating our experiments by trying to control the outcome, we become "willful." Willfulness in the Placeholder usually stops us from ideating and experimenting. There is no Noble Work.
Transitioning from one type of work mode to a different way of working that’s more meaningful and significant is challenging. We can easily become “willful” instead of “willing”. If you are at the verge of the Placeholder or going through one, my hope is that you could feel more “willing”, encouraged by this Placeholder Conversation.
Interested? Come join us every 2nd Friday at 8 a.m. PT for The Virtual Placeholder Conversation. RSVP for The Placeholder Conversation in July!
Huge gratitude to all the Placeholder Creators, everyone who joined these very first two Placeholder Conversations. 🙏🏻❤️
I am looking forward to the next Placeholder Conversation in McLean, VA!